March 1, 2020 99

Honest Trailers – Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Honest Trailers – Guardians of the Galaxy 2


From Marvel and James Gunn, the director and studio who surprised everyone
with Guardians of The Galaxy. Comes a cool looking, super fun,
laugh out loud. But ultimately kind of forgettable sequel. What? It’s still better than
all the other Marvel part twos. Except for Winter Soldier. “Is that better?” Blast off again with Marvel’s Space Avengers. A team of misfits
who learned how to work together in their first movie. Then turn back an A-hole
so they can learn it all over again. “You’re like a professional
assh*le or what?” In this playful action comedy
where the heroes never really get hurt. “(Drax grunting)” The Danger never really feels
that imminent. “Huh?”
“(beeping)” And the jokes definitely don’t fall flat, but let’s be honest,
They aren’t as funny as the characters think they are. (laughing) Heh, Okay, guys (laughing continues) Yes, it’s funny I know. (more laughing) Scale it back a little. (More laughing? Ugh.) Hey, let me decide when
to laugh. All right? (laughter again? Ugh.) Ugh. Just shut up. Catch up with all your favorite heroes like… Star-Lord, who discovers he’s
the son of a God and a moron. “Well I don’t know what you’re talking about
but I like the way you say it.” Gamora, who teaches
the strong silent badass trope to become a strong silent badass
with the more interesting sister. An ad for Baby Groot toys. (Chanting “Mascot!) Rocket, whose eyes don’t work…
Apparently. “Damn it.
I’m using my left eye?” “I’m using my wrong eye again
aren’t I?” “Yeah that’s how eyesight works
you stupid raccoon.” Did I miss something? Newcomer Mantis, with the power of
getting roasted by everyone. “You are horrifying to look at.” “I never thought she’d be able to do it
with as weak and skinny as she appears to be.” “(Drax gagging)” “I’m imagining being with you physically.” Including herself. “I’m certainly grateful to be ugly.” “(Mantis yelps)” And Drax, the once tragic warrior,
who’s become an aggressively dumb sex freak? “Did you make a penis?” “I like a woman with some meat
on her bones.” “My father would tell the story
of impregnating my mother.” “I have sensitive nipples.” “It would make my nether regions engorged.” “Oh god.” Look, you have a good thing going with Drax.
Don’t take it too far and urkel your best character. “Ow! My nipples!” Prepare for an episode of
“My Two Dads”… in space! In a film that’s so high on friends being your real family,
you’ll swear you’re watching a “Fast And Furious” movie. “I finally found my family!” “I thought you already had.” “You are not friends.” “You’re right. We’re family.” “I don’t have friends.” “I got family.” Space Dad One is
Ego, The Living Planet of exposition. “I call it: The Expansion” “It is my purpose.” “Now, it is yours.” As he proves everything’s better
with Kurt Russell. Making Ego the Living Planet
grounded and relatable. Until he goes full Marvel Villain and becomes a blue alien
made of sky beams who wants to rule the universe. While Space Dad Two proves that everything is better
with Michael Rooker… As Yondu is retconned into a good guy
who just wanted to be a good pappy… All to create maximum emotional impact when he’s killed off
in the most tragic Marvel Death since… Uhhhhhmmmm…… Nnnno? Eh. She was in her 90s so.
He came back… He came back… He came back… He came back… Twice. He came back on TV. Quicksilver? Eh… Wow. I guess it’s Yondu by default. “I’m Mary Poppins, y’all!” So get ready for a great time at the theater
as they bring back everything you loved about the first movie. The music, the slow-mo walks,
and the insane visuals. To the things you didn’t think could come back,
like the laughing at the dumb name bit. “Star-Lord.” “Who?” “Your name is… It’s Taserface?!” Rocket having someone steal
a fake body part for him. “I was just kidding about the leg.
What? No I… (chuckles) I thought it would be funny. Was it funny?” “He’s not gonna know! (laughs)
Where his eyes is! (laughs again)” And undercutting most of the serious dramatic moments
with jokes even the emotional climax of the film. “I tried so hard!” “To find the form that best suited you.” It’s okay Marvel. We’ve been following these movies
for 10 years now. You can let us go without a chuckle
for 10 minutes. “Finally I get to be the father
I’ve always wanted to be.” “Excuse me. Gotta take a whiz.” Maybe not. “It’s called a Zune. It’s what everybody’s listening to
on Earth nowadays.” Uh oh. The Zune is from
the early 2000s. I don’t think Star-Lords is gonna be happy
when he finds out what happened to Rock & Roll ♪♪Cut my life into pieces♪♪ ♪♪This is my last resort♪♪

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