October 3, 2019 100

PREDICTING DAN’S FUTURE!

PREDICTING DAN’S FUTURE!


Phil: Hey guys! Dan: Whaddup Phil: So I’m here with Daniel Both: OOOOOH Phil: It’s the first video since the rebrand Phil: I’ve decided to rebrand as well.. Dan: What are you called now? Phil: I’m gonna rebrand myself- Dan: Phillip Lester? Phil: No, to the concept of seeing a dog which can only be expressed by people without tongues. Dan: Wow. Dan: What does that look like if someone was to write that? Phil: It sounds a bit like this. *weird mouth noise* Phil: And it’s a color only visible by dogs. Dan: I think that really reflects who you are, Phil. Phil: Thank you! Dan: So this room looks exactly the same as the last one. Phil: It does! Phil: I actually got a crane and just lifted the entire room (Dan: Deposit it) to the other apartment. Dan: The lights have been upgraded though. Phil: They have! Dan: The twigs aren’t just loosely balanced against the wall anymore. Phil: They’ve evolved. Dan: So what fun do you have planned for us today, Phil? Phil: Well today- Dan: or should I say Both: *weird mouth noises* Phil: Sorry. Dan: I- we apologize. Phil: Today, I thought I could read your future! Phil: As I did a video reading my own future and everyone was like, “do it with Dan! Do it with Dan!” Dan: Of COURSE they did! Phil: And one of them just goes, *lower voice* “DO IT WITH DAN” Phil: So… Phil: I think he meant something else…( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Dan: *makes a face of horror* Phil: So, I thought I could read your future. Phil: Do you believe in psychic-ness? Dan: I believe and also not believe everything in a perfectly average amount- Phil: No c’mon! Dan: of course its not f**king real! Phil: It is real! Dan: Nothings- what, oh yeah yeah, give me the scientifically proven whatever the frick you’re gonna do Phil: Sometimes i’ve had a dream, and then i’ve woken up and the dream has happened. Dan: Well there we go. Phil: Yeah Phil: Had a crumpet in my dream, woke up, had a crumpet, (powers) Dan: Magic is real, you’re all getting your hogwarts letters tomorrow. Phil: PHASE ONE: Magic 8 ball! Dan: AH yes, *groans* Phil: The trusty thing from all american teen high schools. Dan: This is so real. Phil: ‘right Dan: A teen high school? Phil: Yeah, like in teen high school dramas, they’re always like (Dan: Teen high school dramas?) “Trusty magic 8 ball, is Kyle gonna marry me?” Dan: Is that a thing? Okay, sure. Phil: You may rely on it Dan: Haha look out for a mysterious stranger called Kyle, Phil. Phil: Where’s Kyle? Phil: Alright, first question… Dan: What? I have to ask? Phil: Okay, I’ll ask. Is Dan wrong about Psychic powers? Dan: Well, you ready people? Phil: “Outlook not so good” Dan: That means that the outlook of me not being wrong is right. Dan: Yasss ball bro Phil: Back it up! Phil: It’s just trying to be mysterious… Ball bro? Dan: Do I have a soul? (oddly sexy music) Dan: Oh my god! Phil: What… What? You reached the corner. Dan: It’s perfectly… Can they, Can they see this? Phil: What? It’s just a white dot! Dan: The 8ball is perfectly upside down that is the only thing that it could rotate to where there is no answer Phil: What? Dan: What does that mean? Dan: I have so much not of a soul that I just broke the frickin 8 ball? Phil: you are so beyond having a soul that that’s what it means Dan: Will any of my dreams come true? (more oddly sexy music) Dan: “Outlook not so good.” Okay, I-I’ve had enough of the eight ball. Phil: It’s cause you offended it. Dan: Well… You know you should just go- go hang out with the other spherical objects Phil: Will I ever own a dog? Phil: “Most likely.” Both: OoOooO Dan: Dog is RISING! Phil: PHASE TWO: Tarot Cards Dan: Haha. Okay, to be fair this is what I was actually like semi excited for. Phil: Are you excited about this??? Dan: Yeah I was excited for it. Phil: So, get a vibe from the Tarot cards, you’re not allowed to touch them, you can only look at them Dan: I’m vibing so hard right now… Phil: Vibing it? Dan: Y-you’re holding them a bit too close to my face, I’m a bit scared… Phil: OoOOh Magic… fortunes…. Phil: So, what I’m gonna do is I’m going to shuffle the cards and I want you to think about last year, this year, and your future year. Dan: I was on tour… I’m recovering from tour… Phil: 2019-2018. Phil: okAy Dan: I have no idea what I’m doing with my life… Phil: And at some point you’re gonna get a tingle… Dan: Okay, yeah.. Phil: And when you get that tingle as it gets more intense.. Dan: Chlamydia. *Phil laughs* Phil: *Laughing* You- chlamydia? Are you thinking about the koala again? Dan: I don’t have chlamydia. Phil: Right. You’ll get the tingle and then you say stop and I will reveal- Dan: STOP Phil: oooh. So here is your first card… the Chariot. *ding* Dan: Woooooow Phil: So that’s your first one… Dan: Something that avoids people from having to walk. Okay I relate to that. Phil: Okay, next card! Next Card! Keep thinking! Phil: So tell me when you get to that moment. Dan: So many shows… Both: so little time…. Phil: One show per week that we could not avoid… Dan: *mumbleleling* to STOP! Phil: Next one… Dan: I meant to stop singing but that was alright… Phil: See if it was upside down that would mean something terrible but it’s the right-way up. And it is.. *Dramatic tuba* *Phil laughs out of surprise* Dan: What??? Phil: It’s the card for this year! Dan: What d’you mean??? Dan: D E A T H !!! Phil: It’s the death card! Dan: Great! So, the death card represents this year. Phil: Oooooh… I mean- Phil: Let’s just move on quickly to the happy bunny card… Dan: Phil~~ Y-You’re not selling psy- I think- I think they – I think the universe heard me dissing fortune telling and now fortune telling is out to get me. Phil: It is after you. Dan: Think about the FUTUREEEEEE—–STOP! Phil: Ooooh Dan: Wot? Phil: I don’t know what this means… THE ACE OF WANDS. Dan: THE ACE OF WANDS??? Phil: I mean its a c e. Dan: That’s so much more exciting than a spade. Phil: As northern Phil would have said it… the eaHSE of wands Both: *northern accent* A C E Dan: So now what? Phil: So are you ready for some cold, hard facts? Dan: I’m ready for those tarot-y factarinos, Phil. Phil: I’m gonna hit you with my fortune… …stick. Dan: So my 2016 pondering was the Chariot. Phil: 2016. “Completion and triumph. Ah- *Starts coughing/dying* Phil: *Hitting chest* IT’S DEATH! IT’S ME! HELP! *More coughing* Dan: Did you literally just inhale something? Phil: I inhaled my own saliva, or a small moth, I’m not sure. Dan: Okay. Phil: “All your hard work payed off, and endeavors were crowned with success. It was entirely deserved.” Is this TATINOF? Dan: I mean, that’s- Phil: Is it like, “Yay we worked really hard on something!” Dan: I hate it when it makes sense… Phil: Yeah. Phil: “You may have had to constantly defend your position in order to get through a difficult time, but now-” Dan: Surviving on tour, Phil: “But now you can afford to relax, and enjoy yourself a little bit.” Dan: 2017! Phil: “You won’t always need to protect your personality with battle armour.” Both: WOW! Phil: That’s deep! Dan: The rebranding on the horizon! Phil: YES! You all should take that turn! Dan: OH MY GOD~ Dan: Drop those placentas and let the real you shine! Phil: Yeah! Dan: Okay 2017… was- was… Both: DEATH! Phil: Death Phil: How can I make death positive? Phil: “The ending of a cycle of events, So new opportunities will arrive, letting go of your past pain and old ways in associating-” Dan: F**K OFF! Phil: This is what it says! Dan: F**K! WHERE!?!? Phil: “Letting go of old ways and associations allowing you to embrace the next phase of your life wholeheartedly.” Dan: WHAT THE FFFFUUUU??!?!? Phil: I TOLD YOU! Dan: oKaY.. Phil: “Great opportunities await.” See I told you it was a good card! Dan: Stop slapping the book! Phil: I’m excited because- Dan: Slapping your knee, slapping me, Phil: The fortune telling is real! Dan: But you know what that means, Phil: What? Dan: If- because of the other two just being facts, that means whatever the heck the Ace of Wands is, is literally, definitely going to be what happens. Phil: The spear through your soul! Dan: *Laughs* Dan gets impaled on a fence while gardening, let’s find out! Phil: Oooh! This card shows “Masculine creative ener-” What’s masculine energy!? Dan: Masculine creative Energy!? Phil: Masculinity! Dan: What’s that- I’m going to become a life model? I’ll get my butt out for the internet. Phil: And artistic inspiration! Maybe you’ll break the internet with your butt! Dan: Wooow. Dan: So, what does that mean? That this year that I’m just recovering, and next year i’m going to be inspired? *Laughs* Phil: Are you going to become an Art-eest??????????? Dan: Maybe… yeah. Phil: Maybe you could paint a mural! Dan: Of, what? Something masculine? A car, *Phil laughs* Dan: Putin, naked on a car. Phil: Wow Dan: That would get everyone arrested… Phil: Oooh Dan, “Your fertile ideas…” *Both laugh* Phil: “Come into fruition” Dan: I’ll get into erotic writing.. Phil: OOH! Phil: You’ll be a fanfiction writer! Dan: Phiiiil, I’ll be a published, trashy writer. Like 50 Shades of Grey. Phil: Are you saying Fanfiction writers can’t be published? Dan: Phil I literally just said 50 Shades of Grey, Phil that is fanfiction getting published. Dan: I’m like, shook now. Phil: SHOOK! Dan: Everything has just been flipped. Is this the end? Phil:No no no Phil: There is one more, which is, Dan: Is this gonna- Phil: Banana fortune telling! Phil: This- This is- Dan: You literally just went: 8 Ball, Tarot cards, that were strangely true, and now what am I doing? Phil: Yeah, this is done in western Australia. First of all you have to peel the banana Dan: who peels bananas this way? Phil: Yeah Both: There’s some people out there who do it and you’re weird Phil: And that’s how monkeys do it Dan: Ooh Strong break Dan: How much do I need to peel? Phil: Well it needs to be out so get the banana out, you can eat it if you want Dan: I’ve never peeled out a whole banana before. Phil: Wooow! Dan: I feel like this is the most inappropriate thing that has been on AmazingPhil ever. Phil: *Giggles* Dan: Okay. Phil: Okay, now you have to pull your sleeve back *wut* *horse noises* Phil: What?! This is how to do it! Dan: Yeah… Phil: And then rest it along your arm. Dan: *laughs* Dan: NOOO WHat ThE FU- Phil: And then I want you to close your eyes. Dan: F**k off, you’re pranking me right now! Phil: No I’m not! I’m not! Just do it! Dan: Australia, you need to sort your life out Phil: You have to start tapping it. Phil: And then make three sounds that aren’t with your natural language. Dan: KrOOt! Phil: Yeah. Dan: BaNAN. Phil: Oh, that’s good, one fell off. Dan: sleEP. Phil: Ok, and then just wrap it around the back of your neck. Dan: *Look* It’s-it’s the last thing you do. Dan: *laughs* If I google this after, I’m gonna hack you and delete this video Phil: It’s the last thing you have to do. Dan: *laughs* Phil: It’s the last thing you have to do! Dan: No! Oh god! I just had a shower! Phil: All right, now close your eyes And then I’m just gonna “check” auGHAHUGHUHA Phil: It’s not a real- Dan: yOU f**king ***. You absolute f**king *banana slaps* Phil: AH! banana abuse! Abuse! Ok! I repent! Phil: Oh no! AH! aAAHhh It wasn’t worth it! Dan: Well, here we go. Our futures haven’t been told any better and we both have banana chunks down our back. Dan: Well played, that was quite fun, I believed you whole-heartedly. Phil: Mmm Phil: Mwahahah Dan: Well there we go! Phil just fully undermined any faith that I built in fortune telling during this video process. Phil: YAY! Phil: So there you go Dan, do you believe in the psychic world now? Dan: Hmm, well I mean the tarot cards were freaky, Phil: Yeah? Dan: I’m still thinking they’re a bit just like generic advice that could apply to- Phil: *violent protesting* Dan: OKOK fine whatever, that was fun. Dan: You know the thing is with all these things is that you might not believe if they’re true or not, Dan: They usually have like good advice or, you know things that can apply to your life. Dan: So even if you don’t think that it’s true, you could always look for the messages within and see if they can help. Phil: Look at Dan, coming in my video with a little moral at the end! Both: Awww! (Children cheering) Dan: That’s just what Daniel’s about. *hair flip* Dan: I’m going to go shower to get the banana out of my back. Phil: I’m going to keep it, it’s good for your skin. Phil: So, thanks for watching! If you enjoyed fortune-telling with Dan, give us a thumbs up! Phil: You can subscribe to Dan’s channel over there. Dan: Thank you, what a great circle. Phil: My channel here! Phil: And we’ve got a gaming video between us in the middle. Dan: Oh, check that out, that’s fun, there’s a whole channel you should watch. Phil: Our gaming channel is fun! Phil: Hope you’re having a good day! Dan: Don’t die. Phil: gooDBYE

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