October 1, 2019 100

SEC Shorts – What if SEC teams had their fortune read before season?

SEC Shorts – What if SEC teams had their fortune read before season?

*machine comes to life* I am the all knowing Balltar. Come let Balltar tell you about your future season. Don’t you want to know how your team will do? Nope. Balltar sees many ups and downs for your upcoming season. Alright. How much I owe you? Just save it. You might need it for the possible upcoming buy out. *techno rave music* Hey your machine’s busted! No no you’ll get it after the Notre Dame game! Gameday will come to Gainesville for the first time since 2012. That’s what I’m talking about! Now whether your offense shows up is a whole other thing Hey what did you say? Balltar said nothing! Balltar sees much success for you in 2020. 2020? No 2019 now. You crush Texas on the road. Oh go Tigers. Joe Burrow is in the Heisman race. Oh I love this machine! How much money you got there, buddy? I got a lot. *sighs* Balltar sees dark, terrible things for Alabama. Alabama will lose to Duke by two touchdowns. *laughs* That’s a good one, bro! How ya been, man? I’m good I’m good. I’m here. So how’s Butch doing? He’s good. He’s doing stuff. That’s great. Good guy. Good guy. While I’ve got you here lemme ask you. What receiver do you think breaks the school record for both yards and touchdowns in a game? Come on Jerry Jeudy. No. Ruggs? Not Ruggs. Waddle? I could see why you would think that but no No way. DeVonta? It is DeVonta! Oh my god seriously? Can you believe it? Wow man that is good for him. Balltar is getting a real “kill the messenger” vibe here. We were a 10 win team last year! We won the Citrus Bowl! Listen South Carolina’s gonna cream you what do you want from Balltar? Hey don’t forget your Liberty Bowl tickets. Gus will be calling plays again. Wait…is that a good thing? Oh no that’s a great thing. Gus is really in the zone. Back on the Gus bus! Toot toot! Check the slot. Balltar has a gift for you. I don’t get it. It’s bubblewrap. Yeah protect you freaking mascot on the sidelines he’s getting trucked by 220 pound half backs. You go back on probation. What!? Ha! Balltar jokes but..it’s still pretty bad. You beat Colorado State. That’s great! ok ok who else… You’re still here? Very awkward for Balltar. Ok let’s just start with the good news. Uhh… Beer sales will be great. That’s the good news? Did anyone see what Missouri did to Balltar’s box? I mean all I told him was that they would lose to Wyoming and they went crazy. I mean they turn it around!

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